in the dark they come for me
thoughts that whisper lies & thieve
what little faith which may remain
what little strength i have to claim
razors call aloud my name.
superficially i hide
from what i'd like to leave behind
but to distract is not enough
& to ignore is just too tough
when won't these nights alone be rough?
nobody seems to understand
the reasons behind where i am
i talk & they're all hearing me
but none are really listening
& even if they were, they couldn't know how i've grown to believe
in things like razors, ropes, & pistols
even all my little sisters
looking to a disrespectful
naughty girl with good intentions.
every day i laugh & smile,
think maybe in a little while,
i might believe the phony truths
i spew in my excessive youth
but when my heart drowns in vermouth..
i cannot help but choose the wrong
the darkness helps me carry on
perhaps it's just a part of me
enough that i can't even see
who, without this, that i could be.
i try to stop the growing thoughts
alleviate this pressure wrought
but nothing will suffice except
the pleasant burn of slicing depth
& this will last until i've slept
& dreamt the dreams i'm sure to feel
all the ones that seem so real
that scare me from my silent slumber
make me think i'm too outnumbered
wake me up so i can wonder
if this pain will ever cease,
desist & let me live in peace
again i must give in to greed
i get up just to do the deed
after which i must concede
defeat
& then i wait & bleed.
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