dead & gone.

Sitting in the dark
Shivering in the cold
Reminds me of your arms
Dead & gone

Smoking just one cigarette
Smoking then one more
Finally my decision
That's what you wanted

Doing what I want
Without knowing what that is
Sometimes it's nice
But mostly just alone

Sitting in the dark
Wishing in the cold
For warmth & love & everything else you gave me
But then you took it back
Just like that
Dead & gone

Why can't I have you?

Why can't I have you?
Why must you stay so far from my arms
So far from my kiss
So far from my self
Why can't I have you?

Why can't you steal me?
Away from my family
Away from my friends
Away from my home
That's why. I can't go.

Why can't I steal you?
Away from your family
Away from your life
Away from your self
That's why. I can't ask you to leave

But I wish & I hope
& I think & I pray
That this will still happen
Even if only someday
Of course I miss you terribly
Of course I love you horribly
But how can I express this feeling
Without causing us to go reeling
To spin off from the road
Into a tree or ditch unearthed
We're just in shock.
When will it subside?
When can I hold you?
When can you feel for me?
When may I know for sure in my heart that this can be?
Maybe it can't.
Is this a sign?
Are you telling me I'm wrong?
It's happened before.
But my gut tells me I'm right.
My heart sings out into the light
My voice cries out into the night
& if I were to take the flight
Who would know what could or might
Occur when oil & water get together
One on top of the other
It could cause such a fright
It could be such a spell
I wouldn't want to leave
I'd love to be stuck in my dreams
There I can allow myself
the peace I cannot find in waking life
for you have taken me so far from what was right before
into an unknown full of strife, for
we cannot allow ourselves to feel the way we feel
when I'm with you.
I am in disbelief
At the pain this has caused me
I didn't realize a heart could hurt so intensely
When it's already been broken & haphazardly repaired so many times before
how can I let you do this to me?
How can I do this to myself?
I can't stop my feelings.
It's difficult not to focus on all this pain
I'm bleeding from invisible internal injuries
What's wrong, says the doctor
Hell if I know, but I hurt
Well I can't see any problems, dear
Maybe you're imagining things
Maybe I am
What will happen if I wait for him?
What will happen if I don't?
Why can't I have you?

too much love.

I still taste you on my lips
Still feel your arms surrounding me
It's been so long since our last kiss
The memories are drowning me.


I feel that if you held me close
My troubles might just disappear
Might float away if you had chosen
To always stay right here.


If only I could have you near me
Breathing the same air
If only I could see you clearly
Run my fingers through your hair


I'm not sure I could take it
It might just be too much
My heart, it just might break in two
Too full of too much love.