thinking of you.

In the wee hours of the morning
When all is dark & there's no light
I look for you & all that's right
I think of you & I take flight
My dreams fly on with wings outstretched
Over land & sea & better yet
Over mountains made of paint still wet
& trees & brush & floral sets

I fly on & can't help myself
You interject & wreck yourself
You've left me high upon your shelf
& it's too high for me to drop
I wish you'd just decide to stop
But if you did I'd cry & cry
If you did I'd surely die
& I'm not sure exactly why
I'm so attached to this one guy

Why can't I just let him go?
Let those thoughts float out windows
I get so stuck in my own ruts
If only I could trust my guts
But they have lied to me before
& I don't want to reopen that door
The one that leads right down that path
Toward you, perhaps my better half

See, just look, my thoughts have gone
& run right into you again
I just can't stop my silly mind
From wishing you could be all mine
Every night I lay in bed
Thinking bout the things you've said
I twist them round to make me smile
I relish for a little while
& slowly then, my smile fades
When I realize that I've made
Another big mistake in thinking my heart might for once behave

Alas, it's still so dark outside
& cold within my bed
Wishing you were here just gives me false hope that I've come to dread
But as I said, I just can't stop
My heart wants what it wants
It's just too bad that it won't ever listen to my brain, which knows that you'll just taunt
me with your words & with your eyes
With your lips & with your lies
I can see through your disguise
But despite that I still fantasize
& then some days you still surprise
me with your heart, wrapped up in paper
With a bow & the promise of later
Later when you've time for me
Later when you've found the key
Later when perhaps you'll be
Ready to be my one & only

Until then I guess I'll wait
Like Alice at the garden's gate
& I'll just have to count on fate
To bring what I anticipate
Everything must all work out
At some point it all comes around
So I've been giving all my best
Hoping to get this love off my chest
Hoping that I'll learn from the rest
Hoping you know I love you the best.

poetic free verse lyrical

this is actually old. i had saved the draft, but.. here it is. i do like some of this better now that i've revisited.

i'm wasting my time with this musical nonsense, this horrid extraordinary thing that i love
mechanical heart brought me round to think common sense; waste of a brain only coos like a dove
so many things i might want to be, swimming around through my consciousness
intruding upon my most favored of lyrics
from melodies stashed where nobody can hear them
loco bella, crazy beauty, that's me
but my beauty comes from the under the skin

my pretty alice girl, she fell
from high among the treetops where
she talked the birds into their songs
she coaxed them out, where they belong
she landed in this modern wonderland of sorts
where the hearts are merely trophies worn
around the necks of lovers who can't feel remorse
or worse

i'm looking through it all just like a window
without seeing anything that's really here
nothing exists anymore, on this plane i've landed in
everyone's a fake, & every heart's got to break
& that's just the way it is
i feel like half a person
walkin 'round, stumblin' down the streets i used to live
i don't know how i got into this place alone
but i know i can't stay long

shattered sun
scattered pieces
splattered heart
quick'ning paces
i don't know
where to go
but i know
i can't stay here.